While We Wait

We  have spent a lot of time discussing our infertility journey and all the hurdles we have faced so far. We obviously don’t love the fact that we’ve had to go through this, but we’ve learned a lot about our relationship and each other. We’ve gotten stronger as a couple. Sadly, infertility can often tear a couple apart due to its overwhelming and stressful nature. We feel very lucky that it has brought us closer together. And even though it wasn’t our first choice, we really have enjoyed these 6 years as just the two of us.

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Are we disappointed that our IVF cycle didn’t work out in December? Yes. But as we’ve been reflecting on everything that has happened, we’ve realized that everything we went through in December was meant to be. At that time, we were confident we would find a couple of sperm with a regular Tese, maybe maybe up to 5-10 if we were lucky. All it takes is one! And again, our doctor has seen a successful pregnancy with a couple in a similar situation to us where they were only to retrieve two sperm. However, after seeing how many eggs did not fertilize and then those that did not become embryos and the rates of how often embryos are not high enough quality to use, the truth is it would have been miraculous for one sperm to have made it into a baby. Instead, God let us struggle for a little while in December so it would lead Dr. Foulk and Dr. Hotaling to create a generous arrangement for us. It would have taken us years to be able to afford the full price of an IVF AND a Micro Tese, which may have put me past my window to conceive and carry a baby to term. December was really hard for us emotionally, purely devastating. But without it, we wouldn’t have our six beautiful embryos to work with. God had a plan for us and it included the chance for us to have the family we’ve always dreamed of.

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Pregnant or not, we are so glad we’ve been able to do this. We’ve grown closer as a couple and close to our Heavenly Father. I can’t say I always knew 100% that this would work or the purpose behind each hurdle; this has increased my faith in God and that He truly does have a plan for each of us and to trust Him, even when we can’t see the big picture. He keeps His promises to us. He has promised both Jason and I that we will have a family and that I will bear children; He has promised us that if we do as He has asked us, we can be a family throughout the eternities. Knowing that we’ve tried everything possible to get pregnant has given us a lot of peace. It may not be with our first round of IVF, but Jason and I KNOW that somehow, someday we’re going to have our baby. 

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